staplegunned
by silver moon droplet
Summary: roxasaxelkairi : do i have to spell it out for you, or scream it in your face - the chemistry between us could destroy this place.
1. Dearest: Kairi

**Um, this is going to take a lot of explaining; this is for muffin's contest – it's being split into three parts see, the prologue – the story – and then the after. But the prologue is actually like the now and some of the past. And the middle is past and then the end is super past with a bit of the present. (but it's all a ONESHOT despite the chapter-likeness) it's told from Kairi p.o.v then Axel's – and then Roxas's. So don't get confused there, I know Kairi's is the shortest of the three. Axel is possibly the longest and Roxas is the in between – that was on purpose :P but because it's so epic and amazing. It has some other plays instead of just being for a contest – for example, when I ORGINALLY started this it was for jade's birthday. So happy late birthday, Roxas totally for you. The Axel part is for loren, because she's amazing. And the Kairi part is for my jess who NEEDS to hurry up college and come back to fanfiction. I make a lot of jokes, and tie stuff in to the real world in today. And I tried to be funny as possible. And don't hate the new writing style, kay kay – just giving it a test run. **

**(disclaimers) I own the sex god reference to axel – & that's it. This plot was inspired by real live events and some not so live events. But it is my plot, and stealing is lame. **

PART ONE; KAiRi

She sits in her room – in the dark, alone.

Impossible to see.

So nobody can see the tears that **stain** her perfectly shaped face. Nor, the red in her alluring violet eyes. She closes her eyes – remembering – his eyes, his touch, the way his breath felt on her skin. Everything. Even though he's already slipped away, the silver band sends shivers through her spine. And she thinks of yesterdays, long ago, when he was holding her in his arms – instead spiraling down. He was just a boy. Just a boy, who took her heart between his fingers and squeezed it as tight as he could, he watched her plunder and he watched her fall. All with a smirk upon his stupid face. She wants to hate him, just like her friends do, she wants more than anything just to be with him. To touch his pale skin, and kiss his perfect lips, but she knows that would be bad. Because they'd be cold, and he used to be so fill of warmth – so it wouldn't be the same. She wants to forget, but she knows deep in her heart, she could never forget. She's forced to remember. His body falling, he was like a bird – except he was soaring, he was falling straight for the ground. She wonders what it must have felt like, though he couldn't feel it anyway, he was already almost dead. The alarm shrieked, breaking the silence and her train of thought. She sat up, staring at it – how typical she was late to her boyfriend's funeral. She stood up, got dressed, and headed out the door. It was comical, he always said he wouldn't be caught dead at a church. And he was – dead at a church.

She took a seat, next to a girl she didn't know.

It was funny, she was seeing a lot of females she didn't know – asshole or not, the sex god was quite popular among the females. She wasn't looking for anyone really, just someone she knew – anyone she knew. In the sea of nobodies, it would be relief to see somebody. Anybody. She saw a few, Xigbar from the bar – Demyx, that Sitar player, and Yuffie – the crazy ninja who works with him. But not the one person she needed to see – Roxas. Where was the spiky haired fiend at a time like this? When a priest, who's probably never met Axel, is saying all these nice things about him. That should be Roxas, or Xigbar. Or even her. But surely without a doubt, Roxas should be here at his best friend's funeral. Kairi couldn't help but wonder where he was, Axel's one-night-stands were sitting by her – but his best friend was nowhere to be found.

There was obviously something wrong here.

"Axel…he was everything to me…" blubbered a girl, when the priest had decided to let those 'close' to Axel to say a few words. The woman next to Kairi rolled her eyes, a smirk visible on her face, Kairi wondered who she was and what she meant to Axel. She found herself staring at the only other woman in the church not crying, not one stained her perfect face. Her hair styled wildly with bug like features, but it fit her perfectly for some reason. And Kairi found herself wondering if Axel was her hero, or like so many other girls her villain – or perhaps, something else?

"What are you looking at, _princess_?" she sneered. Kairi's heart stopped, and she shook her head forcing herself to pay attention to the blubbering girl, but the blonde girl wouldn't let this slide. She had stroke a nerve, and she wasn't going to allow Kairi to slip away that easily. "So what's your story – you know, he called them all princesses, so he wouldn't get them confused." Kairi bit her lip, but didn't take her eyes off the girl, watching her lips move and her sob uncontrollable until someone had to come get her. "Imagine what he did to every single one of these girls," she motioned to the girls sitting next to them. She took one of her feet of the pew in front of her, cracking her knuckles. "You're just another one…you meant nothing to him…" she looked up to the podium. "Well, that's my cue, it's been nice talking to you, princess."

Kairi glared at her, and her smirk disappeared. "It's Kairi DiCasco, got it memorized?" she watched the blonde grin sheepishly, and walk over to the podium like she owned it. She reminded Kairi so much of him, only she was so much crueler – but Kairi couldn't help but wonder, was she different? She twisted the silver band on her left finger, of course she was, she had to be after all out of these girls she was the only one with a wedding ring on her finger.

"My name is Larxene," the blonde started. "And honestly – you're all full of shit." That stopped the sniffling, and the sobbing, the whispering and everything. Larxene commanded the crowd's attention. "Each and every one of you…except maybe the auburn haired girl back there…this man, this manwhore – took his own life, you all realize that right?" she glared at the crowd. "That bastard knew what he was doing, he knew how much it would hurt those closes to him…which isn't even half of you fucktards." She..choked, the words stumbled, or did Kairi just imagine that? "Axel was an asshole, but he was our asshole – and you learned to put up with him."

She smirked, like a mother proud of her own son, taking in all the shock faces and mayhem she had caused. The priest looked like he was about to have a heart attack or something, Kairi watched as Larxene stepped down walking over to the casket and placing a silver lighter in his casket. Her head tilted to the side, as if she was seeing something more then just a dead body and maybe she could Kairi thought – maybe she saw pass the makeup and the fancy suits, and the corpse. Maybe she saw Axel laughing at them from the pits of hell. Kairi didn't know – she was one of the many whose eyes were glued to Larxene as she walked out.

Nobody could come up with anything after that, people talked after her, but those were just words – words that meant nothing, because all Kairi could hear was Larxene. Larxene and her truth, and her pain – because Kairi realized that he meant as much to Larxene as herself. So between his charming words, and his alluring green eyes, the bastard stole her heart too – Kairi closed her eyes and wondered if she and Larxene were the only ones. That really had something with him, the ones that could say he was a thief and he was a liar, and he's was so much more then the image he had. She stood up tired of people she didn't know, and tired of wasting her time here – he was going to stay dead, and there was no chance of him ever waking up. And Kairi opened the door, and walked out. She was surprised to see Roxas sitting there on the steps of the church smoking a cigarette, mainly because Roxas didn't smoke and that itself caught her off guard. She closed her eyes, and put on a face as she ignored him, because he wasn't in there telling the happy stories about Axel from their **childhood**, and he should have been there right in the front row.

Yet, he was here, too afraid to face his best friend's death.

"Kairi. Sit." The words in his mouth were monotone and broken. So he felt it to, the lost – she complied, sitting next to him putting her head on his shoulder. Words weren't exchange, there was no need they both knew what the other was thinking, Kairi thought about what Larxene said and she closed her eyes. How could one man affect someone so much, and how just one stupid asshole could change everything by whispering three little words –

"_I love you." _Her chest pained, she needed him and she wanted him. The warmth of his touch, and the whispering voice – his fingers getting caught in her hair, that stupid smirk and those deadly emerald eyes. She wanted him, and she needed him – but he was gone, and it was all her fault, she knew it and Roxas knew it – but the rest of the world was oblivious. They didn't understand why their favorite snarky redhead took the plunge that ended his life, but Kairi was oh too aware. There were different types of people in this world, some were heroes whilst others were devils and some were do-gooders whilst others were thieves – but Axel was all of the above and then some.

And hell she missed him, even though she promised she wouldn't, he was just stupid enough to believe her. _And that's how this whole mess got started _–three little words. Three little words that meant everything and nothing, and she would have thought that he out of all people would have seen through her lie. He would have called her on her, after all he was the master of it –

And she was just learning what her words meant.

**e nd. **

**((preview)) **

She was just another girl, just another one that you let slip through your fingers, it was her fault – she was strangling you. You could have her replaced in seconds, so why – you wonder, are you standing on top of a building your feet dangling off the edge of the world. And you're so ready, to let go and fly. Maybe it's because suicide is the trendiest thing to do, now and days – and let's face it, you put the hot in 'hot trend.' But this won't be your first attempt, but it certainly would be your last. You think back to those stupid cartoons where the character falls, and falls. The only difference between him and you, is that you won't be able to get up. This time your best friend isn't here to stop you, and this time there wasn't another girl just around the corner. It was just you, standing at the edge of the world, a smirk on your face as pushed off the building and you heard her scream just before you started to fall.

**((yeah chapter two is quite the shit. so leave a review because you know you want tooo) **


	2. All I want is you: Axel

"second place belongs to: **staplegunned** by silver moon droplet!as usual, ana hasn't ceased to surprise me when she writes something.i found it extremely witty (i have no clue why), so i giggled. it was awesome, in short." One chapter, you guys. One chapter of AWESOMENESS. Trust me, it only gets better from here on out, so I've been working on this for months? Yus. MONTHS! SO OF COURSE ITS EPIC. BECAUSE ITS BEEN LIKE WHAT? four months? KAY! So, it was inspired by lots of things originally there was a part in here for loren's contest but I was taking too long – ITS STILL IN HERE FOLKS. I've had many people read it, and force me (jess, suki) to move on. And there are no words. Really. Cept I have no life. LOL. That goes without saying. so standard disclaimers and whatever.

& SPECIAL TJANLS TO (SUKI, JESS, PIXIE, LAUREN) YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. :O  
& for loren.

She was just another girl, just another one that you let slip through your fingers. It was her fault – she was strangling you. You could have her replaced in seconds, so why, you wonder, are you standing on top of a building, your feet dangling off the edge of the world. And you're so ready to let go and fly. Maybe it's because suicide is the trendiest thing to do nowadays – and let's face it, you put the hot in 'hot trend.' Of course, this wouldn't be your first attempt, but it most certainly would be your last. You think back to those stupid cartoons where the character falls and falls. The only difference between him and you is that you won't be able to get up. This time your best friend isn't here to stop you, and this time there wasn't another girl just around the corner. It was just you, standing at the edge of the world, a smirk on your face as you pushed off the building and heard a scream just before you started to fall.

Once upon a time,  
you were just a boy. 

You could have had anyone really – it didn't matter. One look and they were yours, forever and eternity. But for some reason she stood out. Maybe it was that sexy smile, or those pretty violet eyes – or the way her auburn hair moved when she laughed. You didn't know it, but you were very much in love with her. At the time, the l-word was a myth to you – she was just a girl and you were a very sexy manwhore looking to score. It was just that simple.

You go over to her with a smirk on your face, as cool as ice, and she doesn't even glance your way. You see you have her other two friends' attention, whilst the girl completely ignores you. She obviously didn't know how this worked. It irritates you. You use the friends' attention to get hers, buying the blonde-haired-blue-eyed angel a drink and winking at the chocolate-haired-girl sitting next to her. Their faces flushed, and she turned to look at him – a look only his best friend would give him. Not a girl.

A glare. On her face.

"Do you mind, asshole? I'm trying to enjoy my lunch," she said with venom. But you're ice – even if the flame of your heart was already melting your cover. You just smile and sit down next to the blonde girl.

"Well, go ahead, princess. I'm all eyes."

She glares at you but munches on. Biting rudely and crunching loudly, and all you can think about is what her lips would feel like on yours. It's strange. She should be the one who is captivated by you – not the other way around. She's not making a move, and you're just playing war all by yourself. You sigh, because this isn't how it's supposed to be – you aren't suppose to work. You're supposed to just look at her, and then she melts. But she wasn't playing right, and you begin to wonder if she was playing at all. You were really starting to get pissed off, because you weren't supposed to work. Girls just fell to your knees, and that's how that worked.

She glares at you again, harder, more intensely, but it only fuels your hunger for her. You stare right back with a bored, cat-like glance as a deep silence hushes over the table. You could cut the silence with a knife. And then, finally, she's had enough.

"Waiter, I'd like the check, please." She's emphasizing each syllable, before either of her friends could protest. The blonde stares at the drink she didn't touch. The chocolate-haired girl groans, ignoring the glare her friend shoots her, not as deadly as the one she shot you. And you smile – you have no chance in hell with her.

"No worries, I've got this." You smirk at her as you pull out your wallet calmly and coolly.

She slams two twenties on the table, a forced grin on her face. "Keep the change!" She grabs her purse and speeds out of there, not bothering to wait for her friends. Her chocolate-haired friend starts to eat her lunch while the blonde was still focused on you. You smile at her, and her porcelain face reddens.

"What's your name, angel?"

"Naminé," she whispers shyly.

She was pretty, but she was just another girl with another swooned look on her face. Though her friend, her angry friend, was interesting – a tough challenge at that. There were rules and bonds that you were going to have to break to get her. So you whisper in her ear, softly and smoothly, and you swear you can hear her heart beat faster. After all, you'll do anything to get what you want, even break your own rules.

Her name was Kairi.

´¨¤.¸¸

Kairi. Kairi. Kairi.

It was normal and plain – but you loved…did you say love? You meant liked, of course. Boys like you didn't fall in love with girls like Kairi. Kairi was athletic and smart – utterly untouchable. She even had the perfect boyfriend, whom you wouldn't mind strangling. You know – just to get your point across.

And then there's your girlfriend, as she likes to call herself – yes, ladies, I have been claimed…but hardly whipped. Hardly. Every time you touch Naminé, she blushes – and sure, that's cute for the first two seconds. Then it just gets annoying. You were bored, so very bored. You wonder if picking Naminé was the best choice – Olette was just as good. Though she would probably catch on. Naminé, on the other hand, was completely clueless.

It was just better not to think about it, you decided.

So, as you and your 'girlfriend' got closer, so did you and Kairi. You were right, of course. She hated you. Even before you sat down next to her, she'd hated you. She knew your reputation, she knew how you ticked, and she was always saying that it was just a matter of time before Naminé found her brain and dumped your sorry ass. You messed with her a lot. It was easy. All you had to do was breathe and it pissed her off. You enjoy this game, more than the real game almost. Because despite all of her I hate yous and manwhores, she was beginning to like you.

Beginning to enjoy this little hate fest, and before she could control it…she started liking you a lot. She would even talk to you civilly, tell you what was on her mind. You always had to make a joke about it, though. Because there was the slight chance that she could actually see right through you, just like she claimed she could.

You couldn't risk everything, just for a girl.

You sit with your girlfriend now, sipping on a milkshake as she doesn't touch the fries you'd ordered for her. She bites her lip. And you look at her and smile. She politely smiles back, and you're thinking what the hell? Naminé sits with her hands folded neatly in her lap, and you stare at her.

Her phone rings, and she snatches it, her blue eyes flickering back to you. But not how you're used to – the way your spell dissolves her soul. You remember when she first laid eyes on you and she was your captive. Now it seems as if she was desperately trying to escape. You snort – what a silly thought. But as she whispers into the phone, you begin to wonder. Was it possible? That perhaps, maybe – just maybe – you underestimated her? No, no, no. You were just being silly, that was all.

Naminé clicks her phone shut and sighs.

"Is something wrong, sweetheart?" he words felt weird – you hated playing boyfriend. No, you hated playing Naminé's boyfriend. She was shy, and if you didn't want to win Kairi over so much you would have dumped her weeks ago. But she was crucial to your plan – you could see Kairi wishing to be with you the more time you spent with Naminé. She's not at the point where she's jealous, not yet – but soon. So soon. So, until then, you have to play the good boyfriend – even if it meant playing nice.

Naminé smiles, shaking her head, a blush apparently on her face. And you sigh. So much for that.

And that's when Kairi saves you both. She looks lovely, you note, but tired – very tired. And she sits down without saying hello, a frown on her face. Naminé hugs her, then excuses herself to the bathroom. It's just you and Kairi.

"Hey," she says flatly.

"Hey," you reply back.

You weren't throwing insults at each other, and Kairi wasn't telling you what a whore you were, and she wasn't laughing or being offended. Something was obviously wrong here.

"Axel, we need to talk."

Oh fuck.

´¨¤.¸¸

"Axel, c'mon, it's just a girl. Remember? That's what you told me. Besides, you can have a new fuck buddy."

Roxas wasn't as sympathetic as you'd thought he'd be. It wasn't the fact that she was just a girl, no. It was the fact that "just a girl" just dumped you. No, she didn't dump you – she had Kairi dump you. The irony burned you, and you were pissed, not to mention this put you back at square one. You sigh, ordering another drink – your third. But who cares? Roxas was paying.

"I don't need a fuck buddy." Though, right now, it did sound appealing. "I need Kairi." You take your fingers and trace the rim of his bottle. Roxas spit out his drink on the drunk next to him – he was shocked and possibly about to get mauled by a drunk. You laugh, buying the drunk another drink even though he'd been cut off. You didn't care if he died of alcohol poisoning. You didn't think highly of people who got drunk in public anyhow.

Roxas soon recovered, and all was well at the Usual Spot.

"You need Kairi, did I hear you right?" Roxas confirmed as you chug another drink down. It's hot, and it trickles down your chin. "Shit."

"What's the big deal? You always NEED someone, so I figure I should follow by example."

"Now you decide to follow my example. Where was that back in high school?" You make a face – you hate it when he brings up high school. But that was Roxas, the one who remembers all the fuckups, and you were just the one that did them. You run a hand through your hair and Roxas watches your expression carefully. "Is…that…why…you're pissed about Naminé?" You chuckle. Roxas does catch on quickly, you'd give him that. He was, after all, your best friend. Roxas sighs, taking a sip of his drink. His first and only drink – someone has to be sober enough to drive.

You should really take into consideration the fact that your best friend is disappointed in you, but he knows you don't care. So why bother trying? He knows only one thing matters to you when it comes to women – getting exactly what you want. He's known that since the very beginning, and he's the only person in this world who's stuck by your side long enough to get it. And you feel like you should buy Roxas something for his loyalty. After all, he's the only person in the fucked up world that gives a shit about you. You think about the one time you tried to get him a lady friend. He didn't like it very much – then again, it had been, after all, Larxene. The sadistic bitch had tried to kill him. Maybe a different, slightly saner girl then, yes – none of the tramps that you normally go with would do for him. No, Roxas needs someone special.

Somebody just for him.

While you're lost in your train of thought, Roxas brings you back, tapping his fingers on the bar – and you realize where you are, and what just happened. You need to think of what to do next, and that's just when it hits you like a bunch of rabid fangirls. You pull out your cell phone, and your blond-haired friend looks at you. He's curious. And you smirk, because he's about to get paid back for all the years of bullshit that he's had to put through. Scoring Kairi along the way, well, that was just a bonus – this was all about Roxas.

"Yeah, Kairi – it's me. Could you come over to the Usual Spot, and could you bring Olette?"

"Axel what are you doing—?" Roxas asks, but you ignore him.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." You hang up the phone, a lopsided grin on your face. "They'll be here in fifteen minutes."

"Who?"

"Our future girlfriends."

Roxas makes a face. You know that face – it was the face he made when you'd introduced him to Larxene. "Give her a shot, Roxy. For me?"

"Whatever." It was a yes, a yes that he wouldn't regret.

It turned out to be, however, your greatest regret so far. In this brilliant "snag the princess" plan, you'd forgotten her perfect brown-haired boyfriend. And, for once Roxas, wasn't the third wheel – it was all you. You grumble. After near seconds of talking, they (Roxas and Olette) had hit it off like they were the best of chums, and you were all alone in couple land. Oh, the horror. You look over at Kairi, a smile visible on her face as Sora whispers something into her ear. His hand entwined with hers, your jaw clenches – that should be you. Not him. Sora was perfect. He had a job, a fairly well-paying job, plus he's going to college and he was stinking rich. It's no wonder Kairi liked him. He was the perfect boyfriend, a gentleman and scholar – a killer combo that was leaving you in the dust. High school dropout at a minimum wage job, you couldn't remember birthdays let alone to pull out her chair. You didn't do boyfriend.

But if that's what Kairi wanted, that's what Kairi would get.

Until then, you will proceed with your next plan: operation "make Sora look like a douche." It would be hard, but where would the fun be if it wasn't? That's the whole reason you took on Kairi – for the challenge, the thrill. You have to admit, it was a little more work than you'd intended, but the end results would be that much sweeter, right? Of course right.

You lit your cigarette, thinking, What would make the perfect boyfriend look horrible? You ignore the fact that he's playing nice with you for Kairi's sake, since he hates you. He may not want to admit it, but he does. The way he wrinkles his nose when you blew smoke in his face says it all. Maybe not, but he was asking for it. He'd been asking for it since the moment he kissed your girlfriend.

"Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom," she said, more to Sora than you, than to Olette and Roxas – who were off in their own little world.

You smirk. "Where have I heard that before?" Kairi giggled before giving you an apologetic grin and then walked off to the lavatory. When you were sure she was out of sight, you glare at Sora, who just blinks with his fake confusion.

"So Alex." You cock your head at him. That bitch did not…you know he didn't just call you Alex. What kind of sex god was named Alex? 

"Axel. Got it memorized?" you say with as much venom as you can fathom. It seems to scare him. Good.

"Ah, sorry – sorry. You just haven't been talking much, so I—?"

"I hate you." You're tired of the whole nice guy charade. Kairi isn't around, so what's the point, who's he trying to fool? You can see it in his eyes and it's written all over his face – he despises you. You flick the pickle that Kairi took off her burger at him, and it landed straight on his forehead – he grimaces before taking a napkin and wiping it off. You take a French fry and throw it in his hair, and then another. His face is turning red, and he wants to throw his Gummi-ship sundae at you. But he restrains himself. You take another fry, just for good measure, and toss it – three points.

"Don't you think you're being a little immature?" He's attempting to reach the unreachable French fry in his hair.

"Don't you think?"

"I'm the one getting the college degree, asshole."

"Any monkey can do that, fucktard."

"Hey guys, what'd I miss?" Kairi asked, taking her seat by Sora. Who then kissed her on lips a moment longer than needed – he was trying to piss you off. And all you could see was her lips touching his, and you balled your fists up. This meant war. That pretty boy wanted to fight? Well then, fight they shall. Most men fight with their hands, but pretty boys fought with their actions – and you fucked people up with your tongue. Words affected everyone. Sure, sticks and stones could break bones – but words lived on forever.

"Nothing too fucking amazing," you replied. Sora twitched. Ah, finally a breaking point. "Just me and my fucking friend Sora, having a good fucking talk about things we give a fuck about." You smile as politely as a school boy being caught by the teacher doing something bad. "Isn't that fucking right, Sora?"

"Will you please stop saying that word?"

"What fucking word?"

"Axel, c'mon. Stop," Kairi says, glaring at you. You shrug it off.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." And maybe that's where you went wrong. Maybe like the good boyfriend Kairi needed, you should have listened to her. At the very least, to her, but no – you push all the right buttons. And you know exactly what's going to happen next.

"No wonder Naminé dumped you! You're such an inconsiderate asshole." Sora slammed down his fist, getting out his chair. "Olette, Roxas, Kairi – I'm sorry." He grabbed his jacket and stormed out, causing all the attention to come to your table. And it wasn't the type you knew and loved – it was different. And horrible.

What came next was even worse – she smacked you across your face.

"What the hell is your problem?" Kairi screamed, and apparently it wasn't ending. Wait, didn't she know Sora went out the door? You look at her, and her violet eyes are filled with rage and disgust – for you.

"I don't have a problem. I believe it's your—" But she interrupts you before you could explain yourself. Look at you, trying to explain yourself to a female.

"Don't try to smooth talk your way out of this. He did nothing to you – and you were a complete asshole to him, disregarding his feelings and mine." She was pissed, really pissed. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she grabbed her coat, marching out after her boyfriend, the entire bar watching her. And you grab your face in awe – it stung. You could feel the red mark on your face.

"Let me guess," Roxas said, causing you to look up at him. A smile was visible on his face. Where was his girlfriend? you wondered. "You didn't deserve that."

You smile. Sometimes Roxas knew exactly what to say.

´¨¤.¸¸

You thought highly of people who got drunk in private, because hey – you were back to square one and here was no point in ignoring that. You didn't mope or angst. You just got uncontrollably drunk to the point where you had two best friends named Roxas and all your words are slurred.

You made it into the kitchen to get another beer, but tumbled along the way, falling on the floor while laughing. Your plan failed, you failed – it was just so funny. All that hard work for nothing, only to fall down. "What to do, Roxy?" you ask him, though it was rhetorical. Still, it probably sounded like a cry for help. You're lying in the kitchen floor, not because you're too unbalanced, but because everything makes a lot more sense from your kitchen floor.

"Maybe you should apologize."

"You're funny, Roxy."

"You're drunk."

"Your face."

"Very mature."

You make a face. "Shut up, Sora."

Roxas sighs, removing the bottles of beer from your coffee table. And you sigh, because you can't remember the last time this happened, that you were drunk silly – it make your head ache and along with that pounding feeling in your chest you feel nauseous, and you're sure it's not the beer.

"I don't apologize." You state the obvious, and Roxas looks at you.

"There's a first for everything." You try to flip him off, but your arm weighs too much. You make a note to do it in the morning. "I mean, you actually need someone. This could be that moment –"

"What moment?" What rubbish was he going on about? You should really get your head in a wastebasket. This serious talk and this pain were both really fucking you over. You try to get up, and you would've done it, if it weren't for the fucking gravity.

"You'll have a moment where you'll do anything for her." Roxas tells you, in his most serious tone. "And it won't be for the sex …" He comes over to you, handing you a bag. "It'll be because you'll be so in love with her, you won't know what to do with yourself."

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by." You in love? Who was the one drunk? Obviously not you, though before you could tell Roxas how ridiculous he was being and ask him what kind of crack he was smoking, you spill out your guts on the floor – and you hate yourself for not being able to hold more than eight beers. You used to be the king at it, but, like so many other things, maybe you were just losing your touch. The thought made you sick.

"I'm not cleaning that up," Roxas tells you. And it's the last thing you remember before you pass out.

´¨¤.¸¸

You're late to work.

You're hungover and late for work.

Today just wasn't your day.

"You are so fucking lucky…" his chocolate-haired friend says as she makes a drink for someone Axel doesn't recognize. It was too early for any of their regulars to come in. "…that Xigbar is dead asleep and I happen to enjoy your company." You smirk. That's her code for I-just-saved-your-sorry-ass in front of the newcomer with his apple martini. You sigh, not bothering to thank Yuffie because it isn't needed, and you pop the aspirins you'd grabbed before you'd hauled ass over here to watch the customer drink his apple martini. He was strange, obviously some hardcore fan of Sephiroth, what with the silver hair – there's just no way it was natural.

Then again, you shouldn't judge. People assumed you dyed your hair, as well. As if.

You're just naturally this sexy.

"So come here often?" he asks you. And you smirk. Obviously he hasn't been around here at all. But you won't hold that against him.

"I work here."

"Oh."

That certainly shut him up. You preferred not to talk to your customers – never get personality involved with anyone at work, that was your philosophy. It was simple and easy to follow. Yuffie was the chatterbox, you were the bartender who stole her tips. Besides, who just comes to a bar at three p.m. and expects a good conversation. Not anyone looking to get laid – you know this because you know how those type of girls work.

"So Naminé dumped your sorry ass, eh?" You freeze. Who the hell was this bastard? You grin so much it hurts – if he thought he was going to catch you off guard, he had something else coming. There were only three people who surprised you anymore. And this jackass wasn't any of them.

"No, the bitch had someone else do it for her." You watch the expression on his face. He wanted to kill you. "Bu, you knew that." You're tired. You don't have time for this.

"And Kairi said you were stupid." He chuckled, and you rolled your eyes – it was going to take a lot more than that to piss you off. You grew up with that. Someone was going to have to come up with something a little more creative than that. "Riku." He held out his hand for you to shake. You wondered if Kairi would hate you that much more if you set his hand on fire. You reach into your pocket to test that theory, but then you realize your lighter isn't there.

"Fuck." Today wasn't your day. Riku seemed to get that you weren't going to shake his hand or listen to what he had to say. He took a swig of his drink, which brought your attention back to him – you couldn't try to be a hardass when you had an apple martini. It was the fruity substance that ruins the whole image he was going for. Unless, like yourself, he was using it to attract someone – but the only person he could be trying to attract is you. And you don't think Riku swings that way…he's not up there with you, but he has a certain attraction to him. Like Roxas.

That's when you start to wonder what happened to your blond-haired friend, and while Riku is telling you whatever it is he came he to tell you pull out your cell phone. But before you can call him it rings, and you flip it open. "What kind of asshole let's his best friend sleep in his own puke?"

"Um, what?"

You freeze. Roxas did not have a girly voice belonging to the girl you've been chasing for the past few months. Fucking caller ID. "You're not Roxas…"

"If I am, I've been buying the wrong type of underwear." She giggles, and you can't help but remember that this is the same girl who smacked you across the face just yesterday. When you were doing her a favor, or her friend and you friend a favor. What the hell was wrong with her? Wasn't she supposed to be throwing darts at a picture of you or something? "Listen…about yesterday – "

"Yeah, don't worry about it."

"—I'm sorry I smacked you. It's just…you were being an asshole…and you did not just assume that I was going to apologize." Her voice went from apologetic to pissed in a matter of seconds. You grin.

Riku tilts his head curiously, at which point you turn around. You decide to take your conversation outside. You can hear Yuffie yelling at you about something, but you just grab a beer and flip her off as you go.

"Why else would you call me, princess?"

"…to tell you what an asshole you are, and an insensitive creep to boot." You laugh, because now she's pissed – but you're happy to hear the sound of her voice, because this type of pissy Kairi you could handle.

"Why, I'm flattered." You put your hand over your heart dramatically. Even though you can't see her, you just know she's rolling her eyes. "And you, my lady, are a feisty little bitch, but luckily your charm and wit overcomes it enough to make you tolerable."

"Gee. Thanks, Axel," she replies sarcastically. She then sighs, and you wait, because she has something to say and you know it. "I actually wanted to thank you…for the other night…."

"If that's how you say 'thank you,' I'd really hate to be on your bad side." You rub your face subconsciously. You would hate to be on the receiving end of that again.

"I meant for setting Olette up with Roxas, it was really sweet of you." Sweet? You? Was she on crack? The words Axel and sweet were never associated with each other, let alone put in the same sentence – unless there was a negative between them.

"No problem." And that was that, it was like the night before hadn't happened at all. Which was sort of surprising. Ha, and Roxas had said you had to apologize. Apparently you just had to be sweet, as Kairi put it.

You sit on the trashcan as she babbles on about her day and other random things, not allowing your mind to drift – you wouldn't lose this time. By the end of the conversation, you had convinced her to go on a just-friends-gathering with you, Roxas, and Olette. You then hang up your cell phone, a grin on your face. You can't remember when you've been this happy. Nothing could ruin this moment. Nothing.

You throw away your beer bottle. Time to get back to work. Yuffie was probably pissed at you, but you'd deal. You open the door, or would have, had it opened – but it was surprisingly locked. You laughed, going around to the front, and try to open that door, but again you're rejected. You look over to the bar, where Riku is waving at you and Yuffie has a smile so big you think her teeth may just fall out. And she's holding her middle finger up, perfectly for you to see.

You chuckle, sitting on the sidewalk. Absolutely nothing would ruin this.

´¨¤.¸¸

As it turns out, it was just you and her.

After all, Roxas was 'working' and Olette was sick, and Kairi really wanted to see that movie. You'd never met a girl who loved horror movies before. Her face was glued to the screen, and she was oblivious to your sexy existence. If it were any other girl, you would probably be making out with her or just going to the bathroom with her to get to know her a little better. If it was any other girl, you wouldn't have bothered. There wouldn't be a challenge, there'd be nothing – just another girl, just another face in the crowd.

You tap your fingers on her skin, and you watch as her face her face flushes, and maybe, just maybe, she's more aware of you then you thought.

This new found conclusion excites you. You want to see how far you can push it. You were, after all, in a movie theatre, in the dark, practically alone. You trace your long fingers down her arm – her skin was freezing compared to yours. She didn't look away from the screen, but you could see it in her eyes – she wanted you, and she wanted you bad. You tap her knuckles with the tips of your fingers, then slip your fingers into the web of her hand. She snatches her hand away from you, though, surprising you.

"Don't, Axel," she whispers harshly.

You run your hand through your hair. "Why?" you whisper back, annoyed. She likes it - she can't say that she doesn't. It's written all over her face.

"I like you, Axel, I really do." You eyebrows raise. Another thing you weren't expecting. You hadn't thought she had it in her to admit that this early in the game. "But I love Sora, and nothing is going to change that." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

"You obviously don't know who I am." You look up at the screen, ignoring the fact that she's still looking at you. You just focus on the hero who's getting stabbed by the bad guy. She excuses herself, and it's just you, all alone. You watch the guy scream out in pain, and you sigh.

"I know how you feel, man." You get up, tossing the rest of the popcorn on the floor. You walk out of the theatre alone, and you can't help but think that everyone knows. You enter the cold night air, in need of a cigarette.

´¨¤.¸¸

**Fire was a beautiful sound**. You find yourself sitting on your best friend's sofa, pretending to be immersed in a magazine while it spreads its greedy fingertips from room to room. You find it fitting to set his apartment on fire. He was always telling you how much he hated it. Now, at least, he had a reason to move. You were actually being quite generous. You wonder why you didn't think of it before – setting a house on fire and watching it burn, and then and letting the flames devour its quench for you. It was the only lady that couldn't have you. Soon, that would be something of the past. It would be the last woman to have you. You find it a very fitting end.

Her embers are melting the souls of your boots, and part of you wants to scream. But you enjoy the heat too much, so you don't move. You close your eyes. A chuckle escapes your lips. This was it – this was goodbye.

It started with a lighter.

You'd wanted a cigarette. Being dumped was becoming more than just a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, and it was pissing you off. You were Axel. You did not get dumped _twice _within the same year. You needed a beer, a quick fuck, sure, but most of all you needed a cigarette. And of course you didn't have your lighter – Roxas did. Though what good did a lighter do him? He despised smoking and wasn't as much a pyro as yourself. You could have just bummed a light off someone, you supposed, but you wanted your goddamn lighter. It was yours. So, after the movies, you'd decided to take the fire escape to your best friend's apartment (because he refused to give you a key), and you shimmy into the apartment with ease. _He should really fix that window_, you think to yourself.

You search in vain for your lighter, and you curse to yourself – he must have taken it with him. You slump down on his couch, annoyed. You needed a cigarette and you couldn't have one. You needed Kairi, but she was in love with Sora. You needed a beer, but you knew Roxas didn't have any. You sit up, staring at the coffee table, and two melted candles catch your eye. You raise your eyebrow, making your way to the fridge – wine. So that's what Blondie had been up to for the past few days. He had a girlfriend.

You thought back to what Kairi had said on the phone – he had Olette, and he was hiding her from you. You take a swig of the wine, not bothering to get a cup, and then slump back to the couch. Maybe he just assumed you knew – your fingers twitched, grasping the bottle tightly. He was probably with her right now. You imagine their hands entwined, just like you tried to do with Kairi, only of course Olette wasn't in love – and Roxas was perfect. He wasn't like you. You heard a crash, and you look down to see the shards of your bottle sitting in your lap, the cold liquid splashed all over you. You grunted, but then you saw the blood spewing onto the wine and shards.

"Fuck." You set what's left of the bottle down on the coffee table, going into the kitchen and grabbing a paper towel. You wrap your hand in it. They weren't big cuts, you tell yourself – nothing to go to the hospital for.

Then you see the matches on the counter. You look over to the coffee table where the candles sit, just begging you to light them. You smile, snatching the matches up and rushing from there to the candles. Adrenalin shoots through you as the flames lick the tips of your fingers, and you smile – how you'd missed her so. She would never reject you or destroy you – she was pure passion, even fiery, depending on how she was used. But she loved you, and sometimes you thought she was the only woman you could stand more then two weeks. But Kairi's face flashes in your mind, and you frown. You light the candle and watch her dance carefully but surely on the candle stick.

You set her free but leave her to her prison, as well.

You stare into her alluring face, and you smirk. You then knock over the candle stick and watch her spread her wings and fly. Quickly and assuredly, she devours everything in her path, leaving nothing safe from her greedy flames. They flicker at you but decide to leave you for last – you were going to be her greatest conquest.

The fire alarm shrills, but it doesn't dampen her sprits. She runs across the apartment, taking it all in, leaving nothing but ash behind. You watch her enjoy her freedom; you smirk as she comes to get you. There's smoke filling your lungs, and she's burning you – you want to scream, you want to cry, but more importantly you want to become a part of her.

You're all too ready to say goodbye.

"Axel?!" You hear someone call your name over the flames, but you think you're imagining this. There's no way anyone could be here with you and her. Yes, that's it – you were merely delusional. She's taken your sanity. "Oh fuck, Axel." Blondie comes into sight, and you smirk at him.

"So this is heaven? It's kinda hot." You mumble, but he doesn't hear you – your eyes are shutting, and he's grabbing you by your arm. He was saying something, or at least you think he is – but you couldn't hear him. And soon everything is black.

And then everything is white.

Really, really white.

You wonder if it's going to burn your eyes out. You try to move your hand to block it, and it sends a pain shooting down your spine. Bad move, you tell yourself as your eyes adjust to the brightness. It's not too bad. It's a lot cleaner than your apartment – which wasn't saying much, because unless Roxas came over it was a mess. You try to wiggle your toes, flinching at the pain. So, you were still alive. You sigh.

"Great, just great." You mumble to yourself. You take in the scene. There are flowers on the windowsill, more then ten. You get tired of counting. Looking at the foot of your bed, you see your feet are bandaged up. It makes you wonder where your boots were, and your clothes – you couldn't sport this white hospital gown. Well, you could. You smirk at the possibilities. If it weren't for Kairi, you could probably have a lot of fun right now. You stomach drops at the thought of her.

"Morning, sunshine." You hear the voice of your savior. Your emerald eyes flicker to him – he's carrying a plate. "I made your favorite." He chuckles, amused with his impersonation of Aerith. You close your eyes at him. "C'mon, Axel, you can't be mad at me – I just saved your ass." You grunted in response, and he sighs. "You could at least say thank you." He pulls out his faux-pout.

"Where's my lighter?" you responded coldly. You really needed a cigarette.

"….Are you fucking serious?" You opened up your eyes. What was his problem? After all, his suicide attempt didn't just fail. "You burned down my fucking apartment, you set yourself on fire – almost killing yourself in the process – and you want your fucking lighter?!" Yeah? And? You wanted to say, but you know better than to interrupt him. "What the hell's your problem, that you feel the need to kill yourself?" He glares at you. Of course he knows this isn't some accident – it reeks of a suicide attempt. "And don't you dare say it's because you can't get into the pants of that fucking whore. "

"Kairi is not a fucking whore—"

"Kairi doesn't care about you, and she doesn't love you. She's fucking in love with Sora, and that kills you. You can't stand it." He throws down the plate, which the peanut butter-and-jelly-sandwich stays on. "So you decide, "I'll just die." You're such a fucktard, you can't see it – you asshole, can't you see how much other people who aren't Kairi care about you?!" You stare at him, dumbfounded – he's so close to tears. You want to hug him, you want to apologize, but you don't move. He glares at you fiercely, and behind the tears there's hate in his eyes. "Next time, just go jump off a building and save me the trouble of saving your sorry ass." He storms out, and you watch him go. You watch him push past Kairi and make his way down the hallway.

"Watch where you're going, asshole!" she yells at him.

"Go fuck someone else over, stupid bitch!" He yells back at her. He flips her off and keeps walking on.

"Roxas!" you yell after him. You try to get up, but the sharp pain shoots through every part of your body. "Fuck! Roxas!" you roar, but the Blondie keeps walking, turning down the hall until you can't see him anymore.

"Axel! Axel, don't!" But it's too late. You're standing up and falling down all in one motion. That one motion sends the plate falling down, and it crashes on top of the sandwich. You groan, and she's at your side, and even though it hurts you roll over because you don't want her to see you like this. You don't want to see her at all. Your eyes shut tightly as she rubs small circles on your back until the nurse comes.

They say you're lucky to be alive.

They say that it's amazing that you got out with so few injuries.

They say "call me sometime – we'll play doctor."

They were just words. You knew this, because you were watching them pass you by, even though Kairi was by your side. And even though, after all this time, you finally got what you wanted, it wasn't very sweet. Maybe because Roxas was right – she didn't love you, she loved Sora. And maybe that stung, but you just wanted out. Out of life. Kairi had nothing to do with it. No, really, she didn't. She was just a girl, and you wouldn't risk anything for just a girl, ever. What the fuck did Blondie know? He never lo—needed a girl before, he never needed anybody. Half the time he hardly needed you.

You watch the hospital door open. It was Kairi again. You smirk at her – but halfway through you realize something was wrong.

"Kai?"

She won't look at you, but there's pain in her eyes and a smile on her face. "The doctor says you can leave in a few days." She smiles because she's hurt, and she won't look at you – because you're the reason why. You close your eyes. At least she trying, unlike some people. Your stomach drops at the thought of his blond hair.

"Hey, c'mere."

And maybe, you think, she and Roxas are the same. She's just not going to blow up on you, because she knows she may just lose you. Roxas could only put up with so much shit, and maybe that's the mark of a best friend – someone who puts up with your shit and pretends it doesn't bother him. He'd been doing it for years, you realize, and after all this time you were selfishly going to tear yourself away from him. And her.

She's crying in your embrace, telling you she needed to see you. She needed to know you were okay, and she was willing to fight Sora about it. She was confused, and she doesn't know why. You wonder – if Roxas hadn't saved you, would that have made everything a bit clearer?

You close your eyes, pretending he wasn't right, listening to her sob and wondering, Was it worth it, Roxas?

´¨¤.¸¸

It's been three months, and the soles of your feet sometimes still hurt. You get out of bed, because, to you, it's just any other day. It's like nothing's changed. You'll go get a beer out of the fridge, you'll check the messages for a phone call that'll never come, and once again you'll ignore the therapist's card on the fridge. You'll probably tear it up eventually, but this time you sit back in bed, and you look at the sleeping auburn girl tucked beneath your Egyptian cotton sheets. Trapped in her sweet dreams, so looks so at peace.

You like her a lot more this way – when she's peaceful instead of nagging him about going to therapy and calling Dr. Xemnas on the phone. Who the fuck would want to go to a therapist named Xemnas? (You close your mind to Kairi's statistics and data). And you wish to hell that Roxas hadn't said anything to Olette, because even though he was staying at her place, she didn't need to know that you burnt his previous one down in a suicide attempt.

You brush Kairi's hair out of her face and kiss her gently on the forehead. Then, getting out of bed, you decide that today will not be just another day. You were going to make today different. You confidently walk out the door. Today was a brand new day.

You know the way to Olette's. You'd walked past her apartment every day for the first month, but people had begun to recognize you, so you'd stopped. You still couldn't bring yourself to apologize. It wasn't you – you didn't apologize ever.

But today, you're walking up to that apartment and, hell, you're walking up to that door. And you're opening it. You're just going to waltz right in there and demand that he talks to you, because he's your best friend and you're his. He just has to deal with it. If he'd wanted out, he should have said so years ago.

You open the door, and you walk in.

The living room was empty. Your emerald eyes flicker with confusion. There were no voices. There was no anything. Just you standing in her living room, feeling like a dumbass.

You were going to turn around and haul ass out the door before you could leave any proof of even being there, but something stopped you. The idea that your best friend had been living a life here for three months, without you…it made you curious. What went on while you weren't in? Every nook and cranny was a mystery. You'd spent every day with him for nineteen years, save these last three months. This apartment now held the only secrets of Roxas that you didn't know.

Curiosity pains through you, and suddenly you can't help yourself. Within in seconds you're upstairs. You open the door to Roxas's room, because you'd learned through Kairi that he had his own room there with what was left of his stuff. You take in every aspect of the room – it was messy, far messier than he would allow your apartment to get. You lay down on his unmade bed, inhaling his air, the very air he'd been breathing – it smells like him. You'd almost forgotten what he smelled like.

You don't think it's fair that you've been dying missing the hell out of him yet he's just kept moving on. You were just a part of his past now. Just another fragment of the memory, nothing any more special than the rest of them. It really pisses you off. He was just salting your wounds, with his dirty socks lying on the floor and his axe lying on his nightstand without the lid. You breathe in his pillow one more time – you'd missed him so much. Your heart aches. Sure, you finally had what you wanted – Kairi – but she was no good when Roxas was mad at you. Nothing was ever good when Roxas was mad at you.

Life was bittersweet.

The front door slams, causing you to jump up in surprise. You hear footsteps coming up the stairs, and you jump off the bed, looking towards the window. It was a seven foot drop. You weren't ready to leave the world with Roxas mad at you, so you go for the next available action. You find yourself in Roxas's closet, and you tell yourself your being stupid, since it's probably just Olette getting dressed for something honory or something. But when Roxas's door slam shut, you allow your glimmer of wishful thinking to wash down the drain. He falls down onto his bed, and you pray that you didn't leave your scent. Then again, that's just ridiculous, you tell yourself – more ridiculous than Yuffie thanking that she's a ninja.

There is, of course, a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, for your hiding in your best friend's closet. You'd thought he was Olette, and you hadn't wanted Olette to think you were his crazy stalker or anything. It's not like you were taking articles of his clothing and wearing them, no. Because you're not. You're just missing your best friend and that's perfectly normal, right? Of course right. You just want your best friend back, and that is perfectly okay.

However, hiding in the closet could be misunderstood as being not so perfectly okay.

You close your eyes. Why the hell are you over thinking this? It's simple, and you don't give a shit about who fucking misunderstood what. You're just about ready to jump out of the closet and set everything straight, too…but…

"Roxas, c'mon, stop being a prick." Her voice had replaced the void, yet it seems so out of place, hearing her sound so weary and tired in Roxas's (well, Olette's) apartment, of all places. You wonder what she's doing there. You peek the closet open a crack, just enough to see the spikes of the Blondie's head.

"Go fuck with someone else, Kairi." He throws his pillow to reinforce the fact that he was rejecting her attempt to reach out to him.

She sighs. "I'm not leaving until you open this door."

"Fat chance." He puts his pillow over his head. You frown. You wish he wouldn't treat her like she was just another one of your sluts whom you bring around. Then again, Roxas was actually civil towards them, since they didn't ever send you off the edge. They didn't stay for more than two weeks. They were just faces, and maybe Roxas liked that. Maybe he liked the fact that, even though there was always a slut by your side, you always came back to him, laughing about how stupid so-and-so was.

"He misses you." Her voice changes, filling with concern and hints of pain. You close your eyes – you hate yourself for it. "He'd never admit it, but he does, you know." There's a pause. You watch him get up slowly, reaching for the door handle, but his hand suddenly drops and he just stares instead.

"That's not my problem anymore," he says coldly, turning around and heading towards you. You hold your breath. Shit, Kairi. Say something…you call to her telepathically. You suddenly wish you had this ability. It would make hiding so much easier.

"Okay, look. Let's cut the bullshit. I know you don't like me, but—"

"Not like you!" Roxas snorts. "Please, that's the biggest understatement of the year. If I had a tumor, I'd name it Kairi." Ouch. Harsh, Blondie. It gets him away from the closet, at least, but he could make little moogle scouts cry with that. You wonder where he got that asshole-esque quality. Certainly not from you – you wouldn't make moogle scouts cry. Sure, Chocobo scouts, but they were annoying, always constantly in your face and asking for it.

Kairi isn't taken aback, though. She's stronger than most girls – not that you didn't know that. "Okay, asshole, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you being a child and Axel moping. The great fucking sex god can't get down and beg for mercy, so I will." Roxas doesn't say anything. He doesn't argue. He just stares at the door, and you can't help but stare with him.

"Axel needs you. He needs you more then he needs beer, cigarettes, or a good fuck." More than you need her, she's saying in so many words, and Roxas knows that. "And don't act all smug, because I know you miss the hell out of him, too. I know you miss him. You call every day. Every single day, but you hang up before either of us can finish a sentence." That was Roxas? You close your eyes, a smug smirk on your face. You knew he couldn't live without you. You just knew it.

"And I know you think I'm just another tramp, but guess what – I care about Axel just as much as you do. And whether you'd name a tumor, ulcer, blood cot, what the fuck ever after me, nothing is going to change that – and I will sit my ass in your damn doorway until you decide to grow the hell up and accept his fucking apology." Roxas stares out the door, speechless. He then sighs and you can see him clasp his hands behind his head as he looks up at the ceiling. A classic Roxas thinking stance. You have great tastes in girlfriends, you decide for yourself. Kairi was fucking hardcore.

Roxas opens the door, and there she is: face red from anger, arms crossed, and legs propped up against the door as she leans against the other side. "You have a lot of nerve," Roxas says.

She smiles. "I know."

"I'll be over there in an hour, okay?" That's excellent. You grin, and she seems satisfied, because she leaves, and everything is going to be good. That's just perfect. Finally, things are starting to look up.

"Axel…?"

And then, out of nowhere everything comes crashing down. There's Roxas, staring down at you, and you can only smirk sheepishly.

"Hey, Roxas. What's up?" You sink against his socks and shirts. Sure, you're in his closet – so what? If you make it a big deal, it will be; if not then, then it won't be.

"Oh, you know – same old, same old." He raises his eyebrows. "Would you like to explain why you're in my closet?" he crosses his arms, and you shrug.

"Just, you know, looking for my lighter."

"Your lighter," he says doubtfully. "In my closet?"

"Yeah. Now gimme a hand, Blondie." You hold out your slender hand, and he takes it, hoisting you up. You hold his hand, a smile flickering on your face. "She was right, though. You know…her little bitch speech. At least, about my part." You shrug. "I can't read minds." You watch as his face brightens, finally dropping your hand.

"Let's go get a beer."

"Sounds good. You're buying."

Things were as they should be.

´¨¤.¸¸

"Christ, Axel! You smoked all these cigarettes?" You watch as your girlfriend empties out your ashtray. A lopsided bowl that you made back in high school art, which was the only class you went to. You wonder why.

"No, they came pre-smoked," you say as you light up another one. Kairi sighs loudly as you put your lighter in your pocket.

"You know, I hate it when you smoke."

"I hate it when you nag."

She rolls her eyes. Ever since Roxas and you became chummy again, she's been up your ass about everything. Roxas reassures you that this is typical girlfriend behavior, and you sigh, missing the days of one-night-stands and faux phone numbers. But the moments where you lay awake watching her sleep just because…those were the moments, you've realized, where you wouldn't exchange her for anything.

"We're late," she complains.

You shrug in response, handing her the keys. "I'm never late. Everyone else is just early."

"As if."

You walk down to the bar Xiggy's, since it is your birthday. It's the only place where you could drink on this 'special day' without it costing you. You remember last year – the ostentatious party spent with random strangers, a few close friends, and Roxas. You can't recall the name of the girl you were with at the time. You can't recall much from before Kairi. You could count the memories off on your fingers.

You walk on to a booth with a sign that says "Reserved for Dickface" in Yuffie's quick scrawl. You smile as Roxas snickers, coming from his seat.

"Happy birthday," he grins.

Kairi moves the sign, putting it next to the ketchup, and sits down in the booth, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. You sit next to her, grabbing her by her waist and pulling her closer to you. Roxas rolls his eyes. Kairi then rests her head on your shoulder, attempting to ignore the females glaring at her, and you smile. Today, none them existed. None of them mattered. Today, it's just Kairi, Roxas, and you.

Nothing could go wrong.

Kairi is happy. Roxas is happy. And you're content with that. But it seems as if you're forgetting something – like something's missing. You light your cigarette, and without a word Kairi wiggles out of your grasp, going over to the bar. You watch as she walks over to Naminé and begins to talk animatedly, and while the blonde nods and responses your eyes flicker to Riku, who's glaring at him. You smirk. Who's the home wrecker now?

Your eyes dance back to the prize. She's engrossed in her conversation. You love the way she gets worked up about these things. Just a conversation could get her moving happily. You grin.

Immediately, however, your head snaps back into attention, to the blonde-haired, green-eyed girl lighting her cigarette on yours. The only thing separating your lips are the cigarettes. She grins at you, standing up straight – and you take her in, her name escaping you, a thing which often happened with people you didn't see for a long time.

"Miss me, asshole?" You just stare at her, looking over to Roxas, who was ignoring the whole situation. How very unlike him. He generally liked to watch you screw this whole thing up and get yelled at.

"No, not particularly." You watch as her eyes narrow, and you began to remember her. Her name, it started with an L…Lana? No, that's not right. It was something weird.

Roxas looks over to you, giving you the you idiot stare often saved for special moments like this. It's your fault you can't remember her name, though – she should've made more of an impression. He shakes his head, refusing to throw you a rope, to save you from the lion's den.

"I'm not surprised. It's Larxene, fuckhead – got it memorized?" She throws your catch phrase back into your face, blowing smoke along with it. Your eyes sting a bit and your nose wrinkles, and you remember that you hate the brand of cigarettes she smokes. They're bitter, just like her.

She laughs now, looking at you with such hate that you're sure she'd burn you with it if she could. "So, I hear you're screwing a princess now?"

You grin. "Jealous?" You remember again and again.

She snorts, grabbing your beer and sipping at it. "Why? Because you have another tramp under you? Bitch, please. That's all she is to you – just another cheap fuck." She places the bottle in front of you, and you push it away, waving down Yuffie to get you another one, just

In case black-hearted bitchyness is contagious

"I think you may have yourself confused, sweetheart. You were last year's flavor – she's my girlfriend." You emphasize each and every syllable, as if you were talking to a five-year-old.

Larxene glares at you. Her features morph before your very eyes, going from cold and cruel to hurt and then, before you can move, she attacks. Her lips clash against yours, and it's nothing like Kairi's kiss, who's so very cautious and very soft. Larxene's is rough, filled with need, and it sends electricity through your veins and only lasts for seconds. She then looks away and grins, brushing her fingers against your lips.

"You'll regret that." Just as quickly as she came, she's gone. What happened next, though, sort of happened like a car crash. It was horrifying, but you couldn't look away. It materialized without any sort of warning.

"What the fuck, Axel?" The car runs its red light, and everything stops. Kairi comes over to you, her expression unreadable. "I'm getting you a goddamn drink, and then I turn around and all I can see your lips all over hers!" She grabs her purse – the cars go colliding backwards – and before you can stop her she rams it at you.

And you can't help it – your eyes water. "What the fuck is in there? Bricks?!"

She runs out, and you go after her.

´¨¤.¸¸

"Kairi, c'mon Kairi – don't do this." You pound on the door that she slammed in your face. "This is my apartment, I'll have you know – you really can't do this." You sigh, sitting down against your door. You wish you knew where she hid the spare key. "This is stupid."

"What's stupid?" she retorts, and you freeze. She's near the door, and your heart is pounding. You set your head against your door.

"You know I…" You what? you wonder. The words have to be perfect – you can't lose her again. But you bite your lip. Never have you been speechless. Never have you not had a word to say. Never have you been without a description. "You know I love you."

She cracks open the door, but you're not in. "You what?"

"I love you." Those three little words seem right; they feel weird, but they're right. This is what you're supposed to say.

"You love me?" she repeats, the door cracking a bit more; enough for you to see a sad smile on her face. "Show me it's real."

"What?" You're in shock. Isn't this where you both stroll off into the sunset? That's how it worked, right? Then again, you never were one for fairytales.

She opens the door, her eyes puffy and red. She's looking down at you, and you're looking up at her. "Your mouth creates more bullshit than story books produce." Her eyes are hollow – she's hurt, so hurt. "You love me? How do I know that just isn't another line?"

"You…just have to trust me…" you tell her softly, and she looks at you as if you're water, transparent and see-through.

"That's the thing, Axel. I did." She slams the door, knocking you hard on the top of your head.

You close your eyes and decide to find a place to crash.

"Happy fucking birthday to me!" You scream to the streets. And, as if the day couldn't get any better, it began to rain.

´¨¤.¸¸

You sit on Roxas's couch, a frown visible on your face. You just wasted so much time on this project, and now…look at you. You're sitting on your best friend's couch because she locked you out of your apartment. She locked you out of your apartment, and, for once, it's not your fault. But she wouldn't listen to you. You're frustrated, because how could you get her to listen when she's more stubborn than you are?

"She'll get over it, Axel," Roxas says, plopping down next to you. "They always do."

"Kairi won't listen to me. She won't even look at me…" You bury your head in your hands. "Roxas, you should've seen her face. It was like—"

"She'd been hit by a car," he interrupts you. "I know the feeling." You stop talking, because you don't want to remember. You just close your eyes and try to forget. "Sorry," he mumbles, and you feel him get off the couch. The door bell rings. "By the way, I invited Kairi over."

"You what?" You don't have time to hit him, because by the time you process it all he's already gone to answer the door. You stop. The last few days had been hell, where you'd nearly forgotten who you were. You take a deep breath to compose yourself and lean against the wall.

"…yeah, I'll just give him his keys," Roxas says, and they walk right past you. Kairi looks a little paler and a lot shittier. She hasn't bothered to brush her hair or put on her makeup – she's even wearing one of your shirts, which hides her small figure.

"Thanks," she says. Her voice…it's different. UnKairi, even. Which, of course, is impossible – she's Kairi, after all.

She hands the keys to him, and you take a step forward, and right before your eyes she changes. She goes from hurt to hate in a matter of seconds.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" she hisses at Roxas. Roxas shrugs, going over to the coffeemaker and making nice with it. You smile – he always had a nasty problem with not thinking things through.

"As of three days ago, I live here," you explain. She gives you the stink eye, snatching the keys up and throwing them at you. "C'mon, Kairi. Let's be adults."

"I would, but – oh. I don't see any to converse with." She turns to Roxas. "Thanks a lot." She then turns to leave, but you beat her to the doorway. You remember when you first met her, when she hated you; after all these months, had things really changed any? You think about it as her violet eyes fiercely glare at you…yeah, back then it was a game.

She was just another girl.

Once upon a time.

You take her hand, kissing her knuckles, her skin cold against your lips. For once she doesn't pull back. She just watches you, quietly and coolly, and you wonder when it was that she got hold of the reigns, that you were thrown at the mercy of her feet. "Kairi DiCasco, you are the most amazing person I know, myself excluded."

"Axel, stop," she say, and just like that you do. You stare at her, confused. She isn't waiting on your every word. She isn't even looking you in the face. You frown. This…is something new to you. This…feeling like your whole world is falling apart, where you have your heart in your throat and you're choking on your words. "Just stop." And, just like that, everything did.

"Tell me what I can do…" you whisper so softly. This feeling is taking you out. It's crawling up your insides, and you're shaking. You're breaking under this fake veneer. You're not the type of guy who goes chasing girls – they come crawling to you. You're the heartbreaker. Nobody does this to you. You'd never let it go this far. So why? Why, when she comes around, can't you help yourself?

You sink deeper and deeper. You can see it, but nobody is going to save you. You're clinging to a sinking ship.

"Go fucking die."

Down. Down. Down. You go.

She turns on her heels, and before you can stop yourself you ask, "Will you cry at my funeral?"

She doesn't stop. She just keeps on walking. You swear your whole world shatters when she slams that door, and you tell yourself that just won't do. You don't hear Roxas say your name as you walk out the door – or at least that's what you tell yourself. You move to grab a cigarette when you realize your damn lighter is missing. You laugh – as if things could get worse.

And you walk out on the world.

´¨¤.¸¸

The wind flies through the strands of your red mane. You throw down your worldly possessions – mainly your cigarettes – and make your way over to the edge, your boots making this uncomfortably difficult. So you sit, untying them and throwing them next to your cigarettes. It felt good to throw the weight away. You close your eyes and breathe deeply. This had to be done.

It just had to be.

You were just a boy with no special abilities – just a stupid fuckup trying to make yourself something in this cruel, fucked up world. You'd had one chance to make it all better, and you threw it all away. You explain yourself, for the first and last time, in a letter, which Roxas would receive in the morning, though by then you'll be dead. You look down. No ants are parading in the streets. No people are living out their everyday lives. It's just you.

You take one of your gloves and drop it, down…down…down.

You wonder if being the sex god was just a charade, just a way to avoid this pain aching in your chest. You don't like it – it pisses you off. You're Axel. You don't get hurt.

Period.

You throw the other glove next to your boots. Pulling your jacket off, you sling it over the ledge – you won't need it to where you're going. You look at everything with a lopsided grin. "I could give lots of parting advice. The only problem is, what would you do with it?"

You chuckle and then take an unlit cigarette, pressing it to your lips. This is what she wanted, and you were willing do anything to give her what she wanted. You were being selfish, not that you cared – at least it would take away the pain she left you with. And really, that's all that mattered.

Enough fucking around, you tell yourself. It's time to go.

´¨¤.¸¸

You hear the scream just before you fall, seconds too late. It's your name, and it fills the heaven. But then you're falling, soaring downward face first. You feel the wind on your face – it's intense, so cold, hitting you hard. You're spiraling downward, and all you can hear is the wind roaring in your ears. Oxygen that once fed you since birth is leaving you now, and the ground is inching closer and closer. Your vision is fading. And before you crash, you're gone.

´¨¤.¸¸

an; THAT'S ALL FOLKS. 

Review or I'll cry. –goes to stalk hit page- 

ALSO: "Roxas," she whispers. I don't look up. I can't look up. Because all I see is the reason why he's gone. I can't hit her, because he'd hate me for it. I can't hit her because he loved her more. He loved her so much that he was willing to die for her – so where does that leave me? Alone, alone and heartbroken, trying to clean up the mess he'd left behind – mainly me. "He's in a better place now."

"No, he's not," I say to her indignantly. "There's no beer up there." She runs her hand through my hair, and I flinch. I hate her so much. So fucking much. She holds me, and I let her. I didn't let her know how I wanted to punch her in the face. I just sit like a child in her arms, because she's the only comfort I have – she's the only one who understands.

CHAPTER THREE YAY.


	3. A well respected man: Roxas

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"There are two sides to every death, three parts to these tragedies, and one sun to show us the beauty of it all."

- - lunamaria

´¨¤.¸¸

"Go fucking die!" she screamed. I flinched. I could never stand her shrill voice; I could never stand the way her voice sounded when she said his name. I hated her. I hated her so much, I could barely express it, and for his sake I didn't, because it would hurt him more then he would know.

He smiled, but both of us know better, I know he's breaking on the inside. I want to take a step forward, but I don't move. I don't breathe. I just wait. She's leaving, and I hear him speak. "Will you cry at my funeral?" All I can see is red hair engulfed in flames, not the fire that's eating my apartment – but my best friend. All I think is, yes – shit fuck for brains. Kairi doesn't say anything. She just turns and leaves. She loved him - he knew that, I knew that, and she lived in it. But for whatever reason, she told him otherwise. She lied to him, and she sent him off the edge, but she didn't know and I don't blame her, after all it was my fault.

My entire fault.

If I'd seen it sooner, the signs he was putting up then are so obvious now, but then they were just raindrops disappearing into the ocean. But I wa—am. I am his best friend, I should know these things. I should have known the minute she walked into our lives to stick closer to him, to save him from her. But I was stupid, and I was jealous, it cost me my best friend. My distance cost me the only person who I cared about, and nothing I say or do will bring him back. I don't know who I hate more, her or me.

´¨¤.¸¸

Seeing him jump, that was the hardest part. I chase after him, until my lungs burned and I thought my entire body was going to collapse. I saw the glove before anything, it was just like a piece of garbage floating in the air. I looked up, and saw a bush of red head – I'd know it anywhere. It's the same red hair that I dream about night, that I wish I could entangle my hands in; as my mouth explores his…like old times. I sigh; relief I've found him before he's gone and done something stupid. And then, I find out I'm too late.

I screamed so loud, I think I just blew someone's eardrums out. Maybe they were mine, I screamed and screamed. But he was still falling, falling towards the ground, I couldn't breath – I couldn't think. But he didn't stop, he couldn't stop – by the time I was there, it was already too late. He had hit the ground.

"Axel!" she screamed, she ran into to traffic, running over to me and my best friend's body. I didn't move, tears already blinking through my eyelashes.

"Don't touch him you fucking whore!" I screamed at her hoarsely. I wrapped my arms around his lifeless shoulders pressing my face to the middle of his back and I sobbed. I couldn't stop it, the tears fell faster then I could cover them up, my best friend was dead. The only person I've ever loved was dead. My world came to a crashing halt.

The paramedics had dragged me away from him, the police had some questions for me, they were securing the area. I watched as the scrapped him off the ground, he had landed on his back but his body bounced flipping over cracking his skull. He had the most serene look on his face, blood still warm on his pale face. I wanted to call out to him, I wanted to go to him – but that wasn't him anymore.

I looked over at Kairi, she was holding herself, pouring out her tale to some police officer. "Well Kairi," I said get her attention, my voice as cold as ice. "Are you going to cry at his funeral?" I sneered. It was so easy to blame her, it was so easy to just hate her, let her be at fault. She straightens up quickly, her expression blank. She tackled me, pinning my down, I grabbed her wrists before she try to punch me. She yanked them back, hitting my square in the jaw.

Tears ran down her face. "Fuck you Roxas, I loved him too." Loved. As in past tense, he wasn't here anymore to love. Officer Leonhart pulled her off me, slapping the cuffs against her. I sat up, staring at him.

"You don't have to do that." I got up, dusting myself off. "I could take her."

"It's for her protection, not yours." He answered curtly. I watched as he escorted her away from me that was rich. I was the bad guy here, I stared at Axel's body outline, and I wasn't the one who sent him off the building. _"Next time, just go jump off a building, just save me the trouble of saving your sorry ass."_ The realization hits me, and I started to shake, balling my fist I punch the wall as hard as I can. I slide down against only feet away where Axel's body once was, a black glove lying off to the side. I pick it up, stuffing it in my pocket. My knuckles are bleeding, but I can't feel it. I can't feel anything anymore. It wasn't my blood on my hands, but my best friend's.

´¨¤.¸¸

Axel was an accident waiting to happen.

I knew that even at the tender age of six, I was a quiet boy and I didn't like to socialize. My mother had other plans for me, I was going to socialize with the first person she saw at the park. That person happened to Axel Chalmers. She couldn't see the danger she was placing her only son in, deep flaming red hair – and emerald green eyes. He was sitting up in a tree, what part of the I-wreak-havoc didn't she see, I saw it from miles away – but she wouldn't listen, and she was the one who provided to the sea-salt icecream.

So with reluctant steps I went over politely introducing myself, he looked down at me from his domain. King of the tree whilst, I was just a meager peasant asking for food…he smirked at me. The peasant received his food for the winter, and I fell out of the tree and broke my arm. It was a life changing experience being carried to my mother; who was hysterical, while Axel just sighed calmly. Calling the ambulance and refusing to leave me side. "Hey Blondie, don't sweat it – after all I should have realized a baby couldn't handle a tree."

"You pushed me out of it!" I replied slightly annoyed, I mean the kid did just break my arm – he could at least apologize. But of course he was Axel, and even then he didn't bother.

He just shrugged. I couldn't believe him, when I got my cast I was going to sock him with it. "It made you smile."

I stared dumbfounded. "Are you stupid?"

He grinned, suppressing a laugh. "Before you hit the ground I mean, you looked really bummed when you came over." He ran his hand through his hair, a nervous habit that I noticed right away. "I just thought "hey, maybe if that kid were swinging around with a real boy…maybe he'd smile."

"That sounds like something that would come on an after school program." I snickered.

"Shut the hell up." He shoved my bad arm, causing me to howl in pain, the paramedic shot him a dirty look and Axel just smirked. It was the first time I'd heard someone cuss, it was the first time I had rode in an ambulance and it was the first time I had broke my arm. I would soon learn; I'd get a lot more firsts with Axel.

´¨¤.¸¸

We've been best friends ever since. I blame my mother, who was frantic until she realized he was the son of her high school pal; Tifa. They had spent their worse and best years, side by side, but as they drifted older they grew apart. My mother made sure no other bones were broken, hugging me fiercely then spent the remainder of her time catching up with Tifa. My father said his hellos, and then came to me, ignoring Reno (Axel's father) completely. A small smile of relief spread through my father like wild fire, when I explained that I was perfectly fine.

Axel and I were inseparable after the accident, we stuck together like rubber and glue. Where he went I followed, sometimes he actually stayed at our house for days and days at a time. My mother never minded, feeding him and loving him as her own son, and even though he was older then me and more psycho me – I came to like Axel. He was an okay guy, he would do things that got us up to knees in trouble.

Once Axel had set Yuffie's moogle on fire, on accountant of she was being annoying to which she responded with beating the crap out of us. Another time we had sneaked off after are parents were well asleep and went to the Gummi Station to buy junk food and the cashier called our parents. And when Old man Cid wouldn't let Axel bummed a cigarette, he throw a can of pop at him, well that one was self explanatory. Cid covered with pop, was not a happy man. I'd have to cleverly get us off of it, or try really hard. Sometimes it didn't always work, then Axel would smooth talk us out of it. It was perplexing, everyone loved him – and I mean everyone; adults, children, old people and even strangers.

It's as if they couldn't get enough of him, and they couldn't. Logic somehow worked it out, that I was a class ahead and he was a class behind or two behind. It's not Axel was dumb, it's just he never showed up. I try to make him once, but he just explained that school was a waste on him. I sighed telling him school was no fun without him, he grinned at that. And half way through recess he'd appear just like that, he'd come to the middle to the elementary school smoking his cigarette and leaned against the dodge ball wall. Everyone stared at him. By nine years old, I was used to the attention Axel got.

We would talk, or I would talk and he would listen...and then the bell would ring, and I'd beg him to go to school and he laugh at me. Waving me off, but somehow I knew he listen – because eventually Tifa quite nagging him about school, and I swear one time I saw a piece of homework lying in front of his computer. And one day, he didn't show up. I sat by myself over on the jungle gym deeming the other children too immature to play with long ago, wondering if Axel had found the wonders of middle school or was simple too busy for me. That's when Seifer and his gang had strolled up to me, I looked at them already bored. Seifer thought he was the king of the fifth grade, and I being a measly third grader had to bow down in his royal presence.

"Hey lamer, where's your boyfriend." He sneered.

"Probably trying to nick some cigarettes from Old man Cid." I answered honestly. This wasn't high school where things were drawn out on a map, this was grade school and I took things literally. I didn't understand that Seifer was poking at my sexuality. This made Seifer and his posse roars with laughter, and I didn't understand what was so funny. I played on the monkey bars, getting more and more impatient, where was he? Had he just forgot? My stomach churned at the thought, of course he'd never forget about me.

"Hey fag, C'mere." Seifer demanded venomously. I blinked, looking behind me and beside me, he was calling me. The bang rang, and that was it – the ending of my life, and the beginning of a never ending ridicule; theme: my sexuality.

Axel…hadn't an excuse, he didn't forget, he got distracted. It angered me, he shrugged it off a sorry like he did everything. "Just forget it, just don't come!" I yelled at him, storming up to my room.

I went to school the next day, a little more moody than usual. I stirred far away from the jungle gym, and Seifer. I just sat and waited for the bell rang on the ground. I was just minding my own, but Seifer wouldn't have that, he couldn't just leave me alone.

"Hey Fag."

Maybe if I didn't say anything he'd go away.

"Awh, is Roxy too gay to function?" He cooed.

Something in me just snapped. I stood up and ran into him, he was surprised so I knocked him down I didn't know what to do past that. I've seen Axel get into plenty of fights, but I've never been in one. Apparently Seifer did, he kneed me in my stomach. But I didn't move, or double over, though at the time it would have been the smart thing to do. I just kept punching like I'd seen Axel do so many times.

It's no wonder why Axel fought so much, it was so exhilarating.

Punch. Kick. Punch. Kick.

I was surprise Seifer's friends didn't move to help him pumble me, but they weren't moving. I wondered when the teacher would come, how I would explain this to them – or much better myself. I heard a roar of children calling it "Fight, Fight!" And then, I was yanked by my collar, up and up away. My good eye rolls sleepily at the adult who had picked me up, to my surprise I was met with emerald eyes I knew too well.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Axel roars in my face. In front of all my classmates, in front of Seifer. "What the hell are you doing?"

I think about this. What was wrong with me, I was getting made fun of something that shouldn't even apply I like girls. I like girls a lot. I just liked Axel more. And it hit me, with horror at nine years old. I liked Axel, of course I did – he was my best friend. Best friends like each other. That was just the nature of things. But. Was it supposed to be like this?

"Your boyfriend here to save you!" Seifer laughed, hard. I blinked, he shouldn't have said that, Axel was the one holding me back, nobody could hold him back. But in that second he dropped me, grabbing me by my arm he yanked me away from them, he yanked me away from my school and my students. Away from everything.

The bell rang, but I wasn't going in.

When we were far away from the school I yanked my arm away from him, he looked surprised, but it vanishes his cool demeanor returning in seconds. "This isn't like you Rox, I'm the fuck up." It dawns on me that he's never put himself down like that before. He lit a cigarette and I watch the smoke fly into the air, I wrinkle my nose is disgust – I could never stand cigarettes.

"He made fun of me…" I started, watching his emerald eyes flicker his attention immediately on me. I liked that about Axel, he didn't look away, or interrupt when I was talking, and I liked having his full attention. "And he wouldn't stop."

"He was probably just jealous." Axel smirked, and I cracked a smile. Even if he was full of himself, he knew all the right words and just how to lay them out. Avoiding all the awkward phrases and the stupid stuttering. He ruffled my hair, blowing smoke into my face, my eyes watered and I coughed.

"Don't be stupid." I mumbled. My heart didn't skip a beat, but something in me changed that day, changed how I viewed the world and everyone in it. I was nine year's old and I fell in love with my best friend.

´¨¤.¸¸

Axel used to say, every man was confused about his sexuality when he walked in the room. It's not their fault, he would add, he was the sex god – they just couldn't resist a piece of a pie. I was no exception to this, but whenever this was said, I'd just shrug it off. He talking about other people not me, he was oblivious to me. There was girl 1,234 and girl 1,235 – but never Roxas.

But whatever.

As girl 1,234 smacked lips with Axel, I did my Geometry homework. As 1,235 sat in his lap and nuzzled against his neck, I read the importance of Zack Fair in history. Where I got A's and was the top of my sophomore class, Axel was preparing to be a senior for the second time. Grade point average was non existent the only classes he bothered to go to were gym and art. If he even came to school.

And even if he did, it was to pick up girls and take them "home." If home was in the backseat of his car then they went home and home again. I can't tell you how fun it is to dig for your cds and find a pair of panties smack on top of them.

"Axel, do you really want to be the only twenty-one year senior there is?" Axel pulled away from what's-her-face. Much to her distain, I smiled and his face formed a frown.

"I'm nineteen, got it memorized?" His eyes, he got up. Shoving 1,235 got off him in a huff, storming out of the cafeteria.

"Shouldn't you go after her?" I asked, already knowing the answer. I flicked at my history book bored.

"Larxene? Nah, she'll be back." Larxene. Tall. Bad temper. Blonde. It was processed, then disregarded in seconds. "So smartass, what do you suggest?"

"You could dropout or get a tutor." Axel didn't care much for school, I knew this better than anyone. But I also knew that nobody would support a high school drop out. "I could tutor you." I added quickly.

He looked up, another girl already calling his name. "Yeah, it's a date Blondie." He ruffled my hair, got up and left me alone. Having a sex god as a best friend didn't have as many perks as you think, for one girls wanted to surround me to get him. I was the sidekick to them, unimportant. I didn't care for them, and as soon as they realized that they didn't care for me. So alone I sat, as his words sank and my history book became more and more useless. It was a date, even though it really wasn't, as with anything with Axel I didn't expect much – but it made me grin inside.

Axel lies on my bed, a book over his head. "Read the text, take notes and do the homework." He grumbles. "Do you know how many girls I could fuck in the time you waste reading about Shrina and Sephiroth."

"And you wonder why you're flunking history." I mumbled under his breath. I grabbed the book, and flipped it open to the page he was suppose to be on, shoving it at my tired friend.

"More than you've ever done in your life." He answered himself. I rolled my eyes, pointing to the page.

"But that was given to you, you've never had to work for it." I replied, losing myself in my own work. He paused, looking up at me for a moment, composing his response.

"It's not that easy you know." He said softly. "It's not all a smirk and a quickie you know – there is some work involved." He stated mater of factly.

To this I snorted. "Remembering names so hard."

Axel scowled. "I don't have a problem remembering names." He said indignantly.

"What was the last girl-you-were-with's name?" This battle was already in the bag, I knew this and Axel knew this. But stubborn as he is, he never let go until he couldn't fight anymore.

His hand shot through his messy hair. "You're missing my point completely.'"

"Am I?" I sent him a challenging glance. "Do explain it."

He pushed himself off the bed, taking the book from my hand and tossing it aside. "You have to make her feel she's the only girl you care about," he grabbed my hands, I tried to pull them away, but he had a firm grip. "Which you know, is impossible for me." He chuckles, and I don't take my eyes off him.

"A-and then what?" I try to keep my voice steady, I try to tell myself that this was my best friend and that he had no idea what he was doing to me. He leans his head forward, brushing his hair against hair against my chin.

He rested his head on my shoulder, mumbling into it. I shivered with delight. He looks up his emerald eyes looking into to mine deeply, he smiled. "You've got to make them want you."

Oh I wanted him alright. But I ignored it, I looked away from him He grabbed my chin, his expression was something else. Something I've never seen in his eyes, never in reality at least; desire. "Sometimes they're stubborn."

"A-axel." I forget to breathe. He was going too far, he was fucking with me, and he was going too far. I tried to squirm away, but he was quicker – he used his free hand to pin my shoulder to the wall.

"Shh." He whispered into my neck, I stop moving immediately. Still as a board. I didn't want to move ever, he seemed to sense this, his tongue moving down my collarbone.

"Stop playing your games, you're n-not funny." I said flushed, I bit back a moan that desperately wanted to escape from the back of my throat. I fought with everything I could, to stop my hands from going through his red mane pull on hair, begging him for more.

"I'm not playing games." He responded. He bits at my skin, and I gasp a little. I don't want him to stop, but I can't help it myself. My dreams are coming true, there's obviously something wrong here.

"You are, and you know it." I tell him as sternly as I can manage. He stops, why did I open my mouth, why couldn't I just let him play his games.

"So enjoy it." He says harshly as his lips crash against mine before I can protest. He grabs my waist pulling me towards him, and I let him – we crash on to the floor. Our mouths exploring deep inside each other, I tug at his hair his hair. I dig my fingers into his back as he pulls at my waist, he stands up pulling us towards the bed. I bit his tongue hard before I shove him away. "Fuck." He calls out, falling backwards on the bed. "What's wrong with you?"

I suck hard on his blood in his mouth. "I'm not going to become another number." I miss his warmth, I miss his mouth, I miss being the very essence. But my I knew better, I've seen how it they end, I've seen girls go under and never come back.

"I'm just having some fun, Blondie." He said calmly. "It did get a bit out of hand," he laughs. "I really thought you wanted me for a second there."

My stomach churns. I feel like I was kicked in the stomach, I felt like my world was going to crumble apart. I laugh, I laugh at the irony and I laugh at my life. I laugh, because that's what I suppose to do. "As if." I respond. Just pretend he didn't tear my world apart, just pretend that didn't happen. Just pretend and it'll be over soon.

´¨¤.¸¸

I ran my fingers over the black box. "To my world; Kairi." The note read he was going to marry her. He was going to ask the girl who killed him to marry him, and the guy who suggested it to be his best man. I didn't look at her when I shoved it to her, I didn't watch as she started to sob, and I didn't comfort her.

"I kill him didn't I?" she sniveled. And I didn't answer her, because I could conjure up a lie to save us both from blame; so I left her have it. "I loved him." She looked at me, trying to focus under the tears pouring out of her eyes. "I really love him."

"I do too." I said softly. I don't think she can hear me, but that doesn't matter, I just want to say it – have somebody as my witness. "I love him too." I cleaned out his apartment that day, I sorted through his things. Put them where I thought they should go, he had stop talking to his parents years ago. I was his only family left, or was – past tense. I couldn't believe he was gone, I couldn't believe he just wasn't anymore. I picked up his cigarettes, searching for his lighter – it was gone.

I grimaced.

"Kairi, do you—"I turn around, but she was gone. I look around wondering if she was ever there, the black box was on the floor –but the note and ring were gone. I sighed, picking it up and throwing it in the trash. I found a pack of matches with the silver spoons. I smiled typical Axel, I lite the cigarette taking one big puff. It burned, I couldn't inhale, I just let the smoke fly through my mouth. I took another hit, if I was going to die – I was going to die slow, besides I had nothing left to live for. I put the cigarettes in my pocket, and left his apartment, there was nothing left of him there.

´¨¤.¸¸

One year, says the calendar.

One year, sings the clock.

Time hasn't frozen, life is still moving on. The seasons have changed, people have changed, and my best friend still lies dead in the ground. At least what was my best friend, decomposed and rotting six feet under the ground – while we live on, we live our lives day to day, laugh to laugh, kiss to kiss. Our guilt sinking, decomposing deep within our hearts...but on this day we remember. The guilt cuts through our hearts like knives and we remember, what we promised we'd never forget. The bell strikes eight and we're at the graveyard.

She doesn't exist, I tell myself, the girl that loved my best friend so much she killed him. She died the very day he did, her hand entwined with her boyfriend's, she places a rose on the grave stone. I ignore her when she stares, she tucks a piece of her auburn hair behind her ear, revealing her tears. I sit down next to it, the smooth piece of rock that lies onto of what's left of my best friend. She's moved on, I flash a glare at the both of them, but they're occupied in their own world. She sobbing and he has his arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly. My heart pains, this pain, the pain she expresses – I know it well, I spent months with it. I sigh, and continue to ignore her. They disappear, and all it is me and six feet of ground separating me from the only person I loved.

"Hey man," I run a hand through my hair. "It's me." I chuckled, I sound like an idiot – I hope he can see that. I hope he's somewhere laughing at me. "I miss you, quite terribly." I manage to choke out. There's a lump in my throat, and it's rising, maybe it's my heart, maybe it can't stand to be in my chest any longer and it's making a break for it. I don't blame it. I'd jump out of me too, if I was it.

I set my head on the smooth stone, it's cold against my forehead. "I can't believe it's been a year." I smile, despite the fact that my tears were blurring my vision. "It feels like just yesterday you were sitting on my couch, watching some stupid sitcom." I take a sharp breath, the tears streaming down my face. "Why'd you leave me here, why'd you leave me here all alone?" I try to take it all back, try to take back the tears and the words. But it's too late, she's heard them. She's heard them, and she's wrapped her arms around me, and all I want to do is push her away but I don't.

"Roxas," she whispers. I don't look up, I can't look up – because all I see is the reason why he's gone. I can't hit her, because he'd hate me for it, I can't hit her because he loved her more. He loved her so much he was willing to die for her, where'd that leave me? Alone, alone and heartbroken, trying to clean up his mess he left behind, mainly me. "He's in a better place now."

"No he's not," I say to her indignantly. "There's no beer up there." She runs her hand through my hair, and I flinch. I hate her so much. So fucking much. She held me, and I let her, I didn't let her know how I wanted to punch her in the face. I just sat like a child in her arms, because she was the only comfort I had – she was the only one who understands.

She was the only one who realized that words wouldn't make the pain go away, time would linger. But this day would rip apart the stitches, again and again. It would be the anchor to the ship, the thing that brought us out of our lives. Axel maybe dead, but his story lives on forever. Through our love, through our hate, through every move and breath we take. We were the only people who understood (I more so, but who's keeping track?) and for that we suffer his lost greater than any people alive, the ones with holes in our hearts.

One year screeches the birds, as they fly off into the sky.

One year calls a girl, I don't even know her name.

One year, just passed on by.

´¨¤.¸¸

**an: end. I have nothing to say, except that I will be working on fixing it original state – and publish it. That I loved writing this, actually really loved as a mother love a child. **

**Dedications: Vixen – for being so utterly inspiring, and because a prize fic just doesn't cover it. Jade – because without you, this would have just been an original fic that I probably wouldn't have work on very much. Suki – my lovely editor, and moral support. Noelle – for reading it when I asked her to, and her pwnful words. And for my readers/reviewers – because without you, I'd still be lame somewhere. **

**Disclaimers: staplegunned is an amazing song owned by the spill canvas, I am so in loved with their lyrics. All KH characters and things associated belong to their respective owners. This fiction, however – is all mine. **

Thanks for reading** now review please? **


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